Grunts from the Wordgrump (7)

A dopy doc, the dog-dazed, and a dozen dim-witted questions

•For the second time the young medic said, “that means. . . . .”  I stopped her. “I know what exacerbate and eructation mean.  Let’s make an agreement here.  Don’t explain words to me and I won’t point out when you mispronounce them.”  

•I understand that it is unusual to see a St. Bernard in a public setting.  I understand that you and your little one may get excited about “the big doggie.”  But do not rush up to pet my dog without invitation or permission.  I don’t walk O’Malley for your entertainment or enjoyment.   In almost all cases, he’s too big and your toddler is too small.  While he is not aggressive in any way, he could knock your child down with his tail and make you stumble simply by leaning.  If anything untoward occurs, my dog will be blamed.  Admire from a respectful distance.   If that sounds haughty, good.  That’s how it was intended.  Close contact has to be earned and merited.

•The classic distinction between ignorance and apathy—I don’t know and I don’t care—is the answer to the following questions.

          Does Wal-Mart exploit its employees?

          Who will the Republicans nominate for President?

          What are celebrities doing and saying?

          Must everyone recycle?

          What’s the most popular mobile device?

          What are your visions and dreams for the future?

          Were you affected by Harry Potter nostalgia?

          Do you envy other people’s money or sex lives?

          Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

          What’s your sign?

          Are you wearing the right size bra?

          Will I die fat?