Grunts from the Wordgrump (10)

•“Unique“ is the superlative degree of comparison.  There is no such thing as “very unique.”  Eliminate all adjectives.  Leave unique alone.

•While you’re learning about the superlative degree of comparison, understand the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs.  Then you won’t write copy instructing dexascan patients to lay down on their backs for the x-ray.  You cannot “lay down” your own back.  You can, however, lie down on your back.

•Never say that Candidate X who’s running for President can’t win.  Haven’t there been times in the past when you were stunned or baffled that the person you opposed was elected or re-elected?

•Seniors need to cease the tiresome jokes about young people not knowing what an LP or an audio cassette is.  Just because someone was not born when old audio devices were widespread doesn’t mean they haven’t learned about earlier technologies.

•When you encounter a giant breed dog, the first words out of your mouth should never be, “Does he bite?”  More biting is done by very small breeds than very large ones.

•Strive never to insult or embarrass a family member.  Unless they have offended or mortified you.  Then start a feud.  Make sure it lasts a long time and that the ill will is passed down to your children.

•I have no interest in reforms and accommodations to the prison lives of those who have committed felonies.  I do want to hear about the current state of the offender’s victims—how have they been aided to deal with the damage and death caused by convicted criminals.  Once we’ve seriously attended to the victims, then we can look at the incarceration conditions of those who caused the pain.

•Yes, old people have sex but what we actually do is unspeakable.